spam spam spam spam spammmy spammmmm (oh yeah n squash)

I love spam

No not the compressed regurgitated reconstituted pseudo-meat sold in cans staple of the people of the UK (who, as any fule kno, cannot afford real beef wot wiv mad cow syndrome etc).

I love junk email. Oh the variety! Oohhhh the endless variations on my name(s) and nick(s).
They sometimes appear confused though.
Today in amongst the 'increase your penis length' (listeninggggg) 'increase your penis girth' (nothing wrong THERE mate - short n fats where its at), 'making for the increase in sperm' (dunno but i think more load?), 'make your manhood to be hard like rock' etc.
There seems a general trend in my spam mail that leads me to suspect the activities of one or more ex girlfriends, or the exwife.
Then I receive 'satisfy all your womens'.
huh?
whattha? they know something *I* dont?
I cant satisfy ONE but now I'm sposed to satisfy 'womens' ??? No wonder we poor blokes are confused these days. dud to stud in one email. Strange world we live in.
WHO are these 'womens'? Theres more than ONE nut in Bathurst? Strike me pink Ida thought I would have noticed more than ONE wimmins hanging round (ok ok it appears I have a gym stalker but she doesnt count she never even TALKS to me). Its all muchly puzzling.


On to squash.
Now its not like I play squash much - Ive been known to have the odd game or two. In fact (I hear some smartipants remind me) when contemporaries gather (as is their wont) n the discussion turrns to 80s tv shows I sit n stare blankly for the most part. Didnt you see it craig? Surely you remember *fill in here*? errr nope n nope n nope. I misspent my misspent youth at the local squash courts. When I wasnt actually playing I was 'admiring' the girls in the aerobix classes if not actually joining in as I did sometimes.
Anyhoo
Last night I went to squash expecting to lose. This confident, bushido attitude (you know - samurai always assume they are about to get topped) allowed me to inflict a stunning victory. Yes indeedy I was gobbsmacked. I won. I looked around for the candid camera. I waited for the belated April Fools tag followed by 'now we play for real' (in Ranier Wolfcastles voice n yes when you quote the cartoon version of the original you KNOW you watch too much Simpsons). Well I was so chuffed I even took on the Central Wests' number one player as my teams number one didnt show (snowed in). And i got more than one point! several in fact (n yes MORE than 3). God it hurts today though. what hurts? you ask? EVERYTHING heh.Its a good pain assauged by 30mg of codeine...mmmmmmm codeine *drool*.
So strike a blow fer short fat slow middleaged blokes with a michelin round the middle!!! heh theres life in the old dog yet WOOF. *wags tail happily*.