Oh yeah

Youll NEVER guess what the gurl found while we browsed through an op shop today!!!
Two (count em TWO) of my personal favourite, not-in-production-anymore squash rackets!!!!
I bought what I believe to be the last one in captivity last month after saving up for 6 months. I have one in at the centre being repaired (they are fragile) for which I have to pay $33 next thursday n i get it back.

Now I have FOUR of them!!! A Plethora! The gurl wandered over cool as ya like (mind altering drugs can do that for ya eh) n says.. youre GOING to buy these theyre $5 each n I said errrrr woohooo i think. (we are near flat broke for this fortnight so $10 on squash rackets was a major concern) Ida bought em if they hadda been BROKEN for that cuz I know i can get them fixed unless they are snapped through the shaft.

My mate HC called me a racket slut BEFORE!!! Ok ok justified I have 2xAlinta Velocity Pro (fave racket - 1x new, 1x repaired), 1x Grays Millenium 140, 1x Grays Light Blue 155 n 1x Wilson Pro Staff Tour. And now TWO more Alintas!!!! yay me!!!!!


I collect em too. I have mebbe 30 old wooden rackets. Have to hang them up some time methinks. I do enjoy having the occasional hit with them still however hah. Makes one appreciate todays' technology.

On a similar vein... The gurls 'sister in law' (younger bros long term gf) in Melbourne was the recipient of a 2 hour lesson from me a year or so back. She went down yesterday n tried out for the local courts competition teams. they were well enough impressed that they asked her to play for them! So something musta stuck cuz she was bloody hopeless before I got to her!!! just call me coach eh. *polishes his AustSport Squash Coach identification* heh only thing ive ever earnt Ive been really proud of.
a good week
a good week indeed
now if i can make it through to thursday without running out of petrol I will be stoked.

lordy lordy its been an ok week

well Its been a week since I had anything to say or rather the time to say it.
I'm now on Zylaprim for the rest of my natural life to stop the ole kidney stones. Yep I'd rather take a tablet a day than piss submunitions. Found out EVERYTHING I like to eat is bad for uric acid production eh. N no I rarely eat candy or chocolate or biscuits etc. My only REAL poison is coke and the occasional ice cream binge.

Been walking 6-7 kilometres a day at the gym too. Got home yesterday bouncing off the walls I felt so good. Talk about your natural high.

Today I tried a class at the gym called Body Balance'. A mix of Tai Chi, yoga n pilates. Bugger me I'm sore. The gurl who took the class i am gonna call 'bendy' from now on - DAMN she flexible! I thought she was just skinny ya know. But she has muscle EVERYWHERE. Damn I felt clumsy. It was all good though. Had fun cept when I fell over n shit. Balance? What Balance?
They keep hawking us to bring our friends at the gym. What they dont realise is we all LOVE it there exactly because its not insanely crowded. You can get most equipment somewhere near when you want to use it. Us fatties dont feel intimidated by muscle heads cuz there arent any. Its good. Gym for real people.


Stupid advert of the week:

Would you buy a car if you knew you might be eaten when you got where you are going in it?

Yeah ... good one...
Hyundai you should THINK about your adverts.
I will NEVER buy a 4WD that can take me so far into the bush I get EATEN by some big ugly mythical looking thing. Who wants their first trip in the 4WD to be their last?
Yeah it is a good line 'you'll be amazed by what can happen' but I seriously would have ended the advert with happy smiling families or getting laid in a tent or body surfing with dophins or some such - not chow time fer dopey looking enormous bipedal car eating creatures. Cashing in on JJR Tolkien is all well n good but give it some relevance.

Question... Now we part own an oil producing country how come petrol is not getting cheaper? Americans you can sit down you have NO concept of expensive petrol. Yeah yeah I know i know compared to Europe Australia is pretty cheap too. (fer the no sense of humour ragheads of the world well first *kiss my fat white arse ya puss sucking madpricks* n second its a JOKE)

Question... Is it totally nerdy reading 'Representational Government in Greek and Rome History' while using the exercise bike or tradmill at the gym?? Or does that rather rate as 'dorky' ?

glad I dont live in US of A

I'm glad I dont live in the US of A
Why?
Not cuz sometimes theyre loud, bullying, narrow minded rude flag waving mondo overconsumers of precious world resources.

No

Cuz its easy to get guns
dead (heh) easy.

Ida mebbe shot a few people today at the mall. M remember I WAS a postman once...
(ominous silence)

I have to give the sweet perty young redheaded thing in the school uniform a couple of credits.

She was young,.... sweet to look at n redheaded... these are valuable traits fer old farts like me. She also walked slower than the precession of the equinoxes. Somehow she n her taller, blonder, curvier hipped schoolfriend managed to TOTALLY BLOCK a 30 feet wide walkway. We only wanted t owalk at the pace of the old lady with the ZIMMER frame next to us but nooo. Shit the old lady was trying to blow past them too.
You have to remember I am with someone with schizophrenia.
Schoolbrats everywhere... none watching where they are going.. urge to kill rising rising rising... no beer and no TV make homer go crazy... the noise of their inane chattering
the noise from their brainless gormless mobile phone ringtones ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Another dickhead advert

Tv you are kicking GOALS these days.
So the new Ford Focus ad.
Basically it says

If you drive this car you are stupid enough to A: leave your dog in a handbag on the roof n drive off and B: leave some valuable gizmo (i think it is an MP3 player) on the roof n drive off. I felt sorry for the dog. A: it got to go on a terrifying ride on the roof of the car. B: it has a blonde bimbo Paris Hilton wannabee fer an owner and C: its a microyapyap which in itself sucks.
Now i KNOW everyone has probably done something like this at some point.

But I maintain my objection to adverts which portray the user of the product as a dickheaded moron. Insulting your customers is not real smart.

Oh yeah n the guy who was in the ad? Yeah the vacuous idiot from Australian Idol? Him n his mate are shitwits. No talent shitwits. God knows how they kept that gig after the first series (n bTW i DONT watch that rubbish - the adverts were enough )
Barely able to run 3 SCRIPTED words together n generally incoherent. Wonderful.

I hate that bloody Telstra Imode ad too.
Here is new gee whiz technology.
Sposed to be good stuff.
How do they advertise it?
Some lame arsed 50 year old song written before even the people who INVENTED the internet etc were born let alone punk arsed teenagers its aimed at. Some 50 year old bloody annoying song by Carmen Fruit -on - her- head (Miranda? yeah Carmen Miranda).. Atleast I think its her singing. Either way she has this screechy nasal latino voice singing some gay song about who knows what. Not very bloody high tech.
If Telstra were advertising retro telephones from the 40s n 50s i could MAYBE see they song they chose. But lets face it the ONLY people who would have recognised it are in their 70s. the ad is aimed at people with an IQ of a 6 yo too. Again not who ya want using the service.

I have a dream that one day I will see an ad for digital mobile phones without cameras
without games
without a thousand annoying ring tones
Without SMS (so I dont have to receive annoying SMS spam - tip folks.. if you sms spam me i will NOT buy it even if it is EXACTLY what I want n cheap too).
Cuz if i have to deal with another arsehole teenager playing stupid games or fuckarsing about with ringtones while *I* am playing squash Ima shove their fone where itll get a nice even brown coating n be unusable. Then I may flush someones' head. N I wont have to deal with idiots using their phones while driving, walking and picking their noses.

WITH a simple to use menu for adding phone numbers n accessing them. Though I am tempted to say a'lil black book' is perfect for that cuz fuck me we are getting lazy . I used to be able to remember EVERY phone number i needed to know. How hard is it to punch the numbers in?

I managed real well without a shoefone for 3 years ya know. Ive managed with out a watch now for 5. Now I HAVE a shoefone. Its one more piece of crap I have to lug about. thank god they arent like our first batphone back in 1987. A uniden which you wore over the shoulder like a handbag. God it was huge. Still got it somewhere. Cost a BOMB too. Never worked real well either. Basically a waste of money for anything other than posing. I think I was the first person in Parramatta to have a mobile phone. As ever I set trends then get bored by them.

misery loves company mostly

oh the pain the pain...

Yes my 3 regular readers I am suffering ;(
Divided between colic (? spelling - I dont have kids) and what may turn out to be ANOTHER @#$^^%^#$%^#$^$@%^&)((*)_ kidney stone (349 in the series collect them ALL!! yes I'm tired of my kidneys being used as a parking spot for stones).

I think it may be a stone or 5 cuz ive been passing blood for a week. No I havent been in any fights, though I came real close to teaching a teenaged punk a lesson from the fist for hassling an old bloke - to the point of actually having my fist cocked ready to flog before TP realised 40yo male weighing 110kg was a bit more than he -17yo male weighing mebbe 70kg - could handle. It was kinda enjoyable seeing the 'shit he isnt getting all middleaged n scared' look going across said punks' face. His beady lil punkarse eyes kinda locked on the left fist of education n you could see him thinking thinking thinking (I never said he was smart) then he turned tail. Pity. I coulda used the fistic release. Made me wanna rush out n form a middleaged vigilante group. Glad it didnt happen today ida had to hobble away as fast as i could. knowing my luck though it woulda been ME arrrested even though there were about a million witnesses to the 4 of them harrassing an old digger (Digger: generic name for Aussie n Kiwi ex servicemen WW2 etc).

the little 'ting ting ting' sound when having a pee is a dead giveaway too. Weird feeling passing a stone. Ive been somewhat lucky (pfft lucky) in the past with stones as theyve generally passed before they got too big n hadda be operated/lasered/soniced. You can feel this moving blockage travelling down the tubing then a flicking sensation as it exits. Then oh god bliss forget orgasm for a while just being able to pee is heaven. The lil buggers block the urinary tract enough to make you wanna die but not enough to stop something coming out. dribble.... curse...dribble...curse....TING WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr praise whichever deity you feel like sacrificing to this week. hmmm.. Athena this week i think. Ima have to look up the ritual i spose.

yeah yeah whinge time *sniff* And I'm out of celebrex so my lower back n right knee are feeling particularly stroppy n unruly today. Shoot me (sit DOWN Rocky I wasnt serious) So I'm totally dosed up on codeine now. Hasnt worked. *mutter mutter*
No wonder babies cry like demons when they have colic. Yes this is my first time n it SUCKS.

So I gave my victim another flogging on Wednesday night. Thats competition night btw. He has been getting the better of me for the last 2 weeks during practice games (when I get blood in the urine I suffer from a loss of fine motor control - I can drive a car but not a keyboard, have trouble hitting a squash ball quite where I want it to go). Heh.. I keep telling him comp is different. Thanks fer coming mate 27/8 pow. Mind you he is pretty good for a bloke only started playing 3 years ago. If i catch the guy who recently (and for FREE damnit) taught him to play kill shots, drop shots n how to serve properly (me) ima give him a fist of education. Yes... I have to give myself an uppercut. It's (kassi) gone from being a pleasant couple of hours practicing with another bloke doing the running to actual work now. summonabitch. now i'm going to HAVE to get fit n lose this michelin. Lucky Ive been hittign the gym lately.

I'm trying to reach the weight I was when I was 22-23. I was pretty damned fit then.
bah probably hopeless. Yeah yeah I know
if ya want cheerful today go read kassis or APs blogs. I'm miserable today.
*sigh*

why DO women...?

I, like 99% of western civilisation, watch TV.
Nightly I ponder...

Why DO women continue to buy products marketed;
A/ in such fashion as they appear to be congenital morons in the advert
B/ with prepubescent models wearing clothing 'designed' for mature women
C/ in insulting fashion, such as facial care n make up where the model is obviously 1)retouched or 2) about 10 years old (yes this merges with B somewhat).

If you believe TV (lover, mother, carer of us all if Homer Jay is to be believed) Unless you use brand X you will walk around with this dazed vacuous look and people will not work with you but comment all day on your hair. Or you would clearly be stupid enough to go to work WITHOUT brushing/styling whatever the hell women spend 2 hours in the bathroom in the morning doing. Tv would have you believe you wander about stupid n unclean unless you spritz a bit of chemical shit on your hair? Are they for real?

Or you gorgeous sexy women in your 30s are clearly supposed to STILL look like you did when you were 12. IE before you got actual boobs n hips n those lovely long legs. On the one hand we (rightly) throw pedophiles in gaol, on the other, adverts ENCOURAGE it by trying to portray young girls as sex objects in advertising. No wonder some of the poor sick freaks look confused. N don't get me started on all those nappy adverts - sickos sickos all. Tip for you gals. We blokes like you with curves. We enjoy you with boobs (flat chested 12yos just don't do it for most of us).
And when they show a woman in her 30s using facial creams etc who clearly HASNT had 60 face lifts, or use such trite 'gee wizz ' lines such as 'I'm TWENTY EIGHT!!!' like if you hit 27 without instantly getting all wrinkled youve dodged a bullet then maybe the ad exec can sleep straight in bed. Though I doubt it.
Don't buy clothes from companies that make YOU conform to THEIR ideas of what your ideal body shape is. YOu come in all sorts of shapes. Boycott the store that doesn't stock more than two dresses over size 10 then stands around wondering why all their size 6s havent sold (even though they ordered 600 of the damn things n havent yet noticed the fashion isnt for 16yo brain dead teens - oh...No-one grows much of a brain til they are at least 25 which is why I wont ever get upset at stupid adverts for teens - its all they are capable of responding to).

Simple solution in a consumer age ladies.
DONT BUY THEIR SHIT if they even VAGUELY insult you selling it. Then write to the buggers to TELL them you dont like being insulted. Most women Ive met arent stupid (inclined to fits of irrationality, moodiness and capricious decision making, yes)but you'd thing every woman on the planet was a vain braindead simpering moron if you believed hair, makeup and acne adverts.


RISE UP SISTERS!!!! Tell the overpaid pricks you arent gonna buy their crap anymore!!!
I personally dont even look at the price of items advertised in insulting fashion. If they think their customers are morons they dont deserve my business cuz im not a moron.

addition to the New Scissors debate

oh the shame the shame...

I am no the proud owner of 'good' scissors.
My sister heard from my mum (or did kassi ring n set me up?? ....gotta stop watching the X Files repeats) that I was rabbiting on about 'good scissors' so she bought me a pair.
As she is technical editor for 3 Quilting magazines i am assuming she knows good scirrors.

the shame the shame...
you all better keep yer hands off they are my good scissors ya phillistines.

Dont ask a bloke... annnd My Dog -canine saint

Dont ask a bloke 'tell me what youre thinking' or 'what are you thinking'

Not if you arent prepared for an answer you wont like in the slightest.
If your bloke has that glazed over vacant look he is either asleep or thinking about stuff you wont want to talk about.
Like 'damn Toni Pearen looked cute on TV...'
or 'bloody Manly... couldnt win a game of marbles at the moment'
or 'mmmmm *insert car of choice* I wish we had one'
They may be planning their next beer purchase or mentally comparing brands of open ended spanners.

In any case

You probably wont like the answer.

the guy who looks up, gazes adoringly into your eyes n says 'you' is either A: gay n hasnt worked it out yet or B: is gonna ask if he can take your dads' boat fishing this weekend. Or if its ok fer the boys to come round n watch the footy.

Time you got over it. we dont spend hours thinking about how cute those new doilies will look at the next dinner party. We arent wondering if lime green fingernails will look good on you. When we look at the cat we are planning on kicking it not patting it.

N whats with you when two get together its instant 'pick on the bloke' time
So *I* dont wanna move to bloody melbourne!! Is that any reason for the gurl n a TOTAL stranger to assume I am the one being a bastard? Praps its another of the gurls' passing flights of fancy which will pass. N if we took up on it in 3 months time it would be ME in the shit for letting her do it!!

grrrr


Dogs...

Is the Australian Blue Heeler/cattle Dog just about the perfect dog??
I know I know silly question. OF COURSE it is.
Short soft fur, easy to maintain, you only need wash em twice a year whether they need it or not. Their fur stays shiny n soft all year round. Its not coarse n bristly so giving them a pat is nice. When they are given a bath it comes up all shiny.
They are the perfect size. Not huge n ungainly not small n yappy. If you decide to kneel down they are at chest height which is the perfect 'pet/master' ratio.
They are great with kids (unlike say Pitbulls).
They are smart but not too smart. Too smart involves understanding concepts like 'door knob' and 'gate latch'. Too smart seems to involve the ability to solve somewhat complex problems involving escape, planning and executing etc. I had a Border Collie once who was too smart. One shouldnt be involved in a constant battle with your dog. My bluey is smart enough not to do stupid stuff but knows when I say enough n 'come' he had best do what he is told. Smart enough to comprehend the hand signals I had to teach him (mine is deaf).

They love to play. Kong toys are recommended they will kill anything less stout. They have very powerful jaws.

They will play 'get the ball' til exhaustion - yours.

They are tough too. Ive found my Billy asleep in the snow (with snow covering him so he was snowed on). Remembering they arent dogs bred for snowy conditions. He doesnt seem to mind though we DID make him a nice waterproof coat this winter as he is nearly 10. Blue Heelers will run through obstacles rather than take the long way.
They dont jump like maniacs.
They will eat anything you give them happily. Mine loves ANYTHING that comes off a plate from INSIDE the house (must be good eh) while his dog food is kept in a cupboard outside. None of this prissy 'i wont eat THAT you moron' attitude from Blue Heelers.
Mine evinces the proper attitude toward cats. I thiiink this is standard for blue heelers (Ive never seen one that looked happy in a cats' presence). Mine hates the cat that lives here. Hates the cat over the road. Hates the cat walking past the side fence. hates the cat he can smell a mile off. Natural.

They are the best dogs you can get I reckon. I wouldnt swap mine for all the money in the US military budget.

Shopping: Why I hate going.

I like shopping. No really. I enjoy wandering around looking at stuff I can't afford, can't work out its' function, n the ladies' underwear section (tools, automotive n sporting is like Romans and Roads - it goes without saying).

What I hate about shopping is people. Homo sapiens sapiens. Big ones, little ones, fat ones, skinny ones, kids especially.

Lets narrow it further to about half the human species. You know who you are and retribution is nigh arseholes.

I'm talking about those morons who:

A/ Stand at the top/middle/bottom of the stairs into the mall (imagine in your own contextual setting but where I shop there is a flight of stairs with a dogleg to the leg half way up from the parking level) to have a loud inane craptacular conversation with which ever other idiot they know feels like stopping. Folks - this is NOT the purpose of the stairs TAKE IT ELSEWHERE or I will start pushing you DOWN the steps.

B/ takes a possy (family friends who the f** cares)then proceeds to BLOCK the entire stairway while traversing it. This is just damn rude. Keep left shitwits.

C/ people who think its funny when little darren/sharon/nathan/tyler/sheree/ runs a fully laden trolley into your heels n laughs. Pick the litle snot up n keep laughing after Ive knocked it on its arse ya carns. I don't have ANY feelings for YOUR children - I don't have ANY feeling of collective responsibility for YOUR spawn (If i actually know you n your kids thats different). If they run into me they ARE gonna hit the floor cuz I am NOT gonna step aside from some snot nosed little brat that isnt looking where its going. Teach the little pricks some respect n the world will be a better place.

D/ people who wander round with their head up their collective arses not watching where they are going. This particularly shits me cuz i invariably have to put up with these idiots driving cars too. They are beyond redemption n when the revolution comes n I'm First citizen of the world these people in particular will be shot. You have been warned.

E/ Now in australia we drive on the left so for the retarded amongst US just swap over for your own country I aint pandering to the twits. I think it is a reasonable thing to expect people in shopping centres to walk on the left. Walk round the damn place like you drive on the road. Prevents bloody swerving left n right n getting hit by trolleys n slowly getting madder n hell while trying to calm a schizophrenic person down cuz even though she is taking her tablets regularly shopping always sends her brain on a spin (the fluro lights dont help either) just cuz people keep walking into her then looking at HER like its her fault THEY werent looking where the f*** they were going after we have just dodged like 60 OTHER idiots n got blindsided by you fuckyou very much.

Ya know what ticks me off the MOST about all of the above???
It doesn't actually require
A/ brains
B/ MUCH thoughtfulness or consideration

If everyone would just think a little each day BEFORE they went to the shops instead of packing their collective brains in a box under the house EVERYONE would enjoy the experience a little more.

We have to go shopping at 7am or like after 9pm when they are nice n quiet just so we dont go home screaming at each other n I dont start belting people who drive me nuts. Its not we are in a hurry either.

Oh and incidentally would it be TOO much to ask for you bloody bastards to either wear some deodorant or even better HAVE A FREAKING SHOWER once in a while - you stink ya filthy scum n I frankly dont see why I should have to tolerate it. Even PIGS bathe occasionally. And I really really enjoy seeing baby being changed at a coffee table or on a bench I may wanna sit on some day and I further really enjoy how you disgusting scum LEAVE the dirty nappy (I'll be cold n dead in my grave b4 I use 'diaper' ecept in this sense) sitting on the damn bench. *shudder* I think i may stay home for ever now.
yes yes stay inside the cold cant get you n the germs argh the germssssss.

Oh yeah n having a kidney infection plays hell with ya squash (fine motor control is shot to hell) so I'm cranky bout that too. IT takes me hella long to type (gotta hit each key about 6 times til ya get the right one n dialing the phone is a nightmare. Oddly, unless it is really bad (this episode isnt) whereby I am confined to bed, I can still drive a car just fine as its all gross motor control.

Driving standards next week.

bugger all to report

Well this week has been tres boring.
More water fell from the sky this week than the rest of the year combined.
Woohoo

I won my wednesday squash match
Mate has a wife who had a baby.
He couldnt play squash on Saturday. Damnit

Yep bored

Cant think of anything to get a tirade going about.