me agin

its what... monday May 7th? yeah
I had a job interview in sydney on saturday with State Rail. Position of transit officer. Went pretty good , got through the first 2 stages. 3rd stage was role play which i THINK i went well at. Next IF I got through is a one on one interview and a medical. the pay is excellent and it sounds like a very satisfying position.
I have heard NOTHING from State TRansit about the bus driving position. One wonders if they were fucking with us. I went into that interview looking forward to working there n came out not sure I wanted the job. Contrast: went in to the rail interview uncertain i wanted it n came out hoping I get through.

I joined the local university gym last week. It has 2 squash courts which are free to use for members. also all the fitness classes etc. Basically I am now in the same position I was in at Bathurst except I dont have to shuttle between one n the other. N Bec still was alive.

I guess its fair to say Im sleeping better now than i was.
Coping ok. Still pretending a LOT though.
2 months seems like 2 days.

We have moved the house around a bit (I mean inside etc derr)
Turned Becs room into a change/ironing room. Moved the bed into what was the junk room n is now my bedroom. Left the spare room (my old room) pretty much as it was cept turned the bed around to face the door n turned the mattress. Bit of this n a bit of that. There was a small table out in the sun room Bec had her sewing machine on. It is now in the lounge doing duty for my laptop. AND the tablecloth on it is covering up the mass of ugly wires n cables next to the TV cabinet. Moved a few paintings and suchlike about too. Made it MY place. It was very much Becs place b4. Which is fair enough but it was doing my head in big time.

My mate HEath from Bathurst had a week vacation time n came down to stay last week.
We had a good time playing golf n squash. He had a hole in one the lucky bast. NEVER even seen one b4. We went to a couple of pubs here n there. Listened to some bands. Bloke stuff. You wouldnt understand. Went n looked at cars. havent done that in ages. just wandered about looking in caryards.

I realised not long ago Ive never actually lived alone b4. I either lived at college (mass people), with my exwife, at my parents or with Bec. This is a bit of a change. I'm confused. Lonely. but free to do what i want. I can go to the toilet with the DOOR OPEN (unless ppl are visiting) I dont have to FOLD my laundry unless mum is coming by. I can sneak the dogs in once in a while fer a treat. Doesnt kill the loneliness though. I miss her so much.

I wish i had a few more (even ONE would be nice) female friends to talk to. Not 'show me ya tits' talk. oh well.

bored you all enough
one last thing

played squash 3 times last week. Been to the gym thrice fer a hit this week meself. Went to the nets yesterday arvo. Hitting a cricket ball with an authority I have NOT been able to muster all SUMMER. Seems I NEED to be hitting a squash ball fer my hand eye coordination. JUST practicing cricket doesnt do it. My feet work better, I swing the bat with more power AND control. Was hitting scoring shots off balls that would easily have gotten me out 3 weeks ago. AND with my heavier County bat which Ive struggled with all season Even after lightening it by grinding some of the back out. And i painted a red stripe on the back - anyone ever steals it they are in fer trouble its VERY distinctive lol. Feels like a much lighter bat now. Figures though. Too late to save our season eh. *I* find form 2 weeks after the season finishes! If ida taken this course 2 weeks b4 the semis we may have won - Paul n I would certainly have been able to bat out the day the way Ive been hitting it. As it was I was dejected n demoralised. I think I have a mental issue - I find it EASY to see a squash ball doing 150mph but hard to see a cricket ball doing mebbe 80. Then when Im back playing squash the cricket ball suddenly looks real big n REAL slow.
I also put a lil kick in to my delivery stride when bowling. Suddenly I have much better accuracy AND the ball is actually SPINNING! I cant believe doing a lil kick out with my front leg as I deliver the ball could make such a difference!

anyway. I should go do breakfast n meds.